Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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