apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
