I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
