Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
