didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
