420 ftw
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
