Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Terrible idea I love it
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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