is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
