If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
