Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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