Buhtt sex?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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