dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
