Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
