Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
