I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
