A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
