just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
