theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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