theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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