you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
