She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
