Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
