are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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