Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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