i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
