Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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