i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
