he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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