"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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