Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
