Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
