Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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