Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
