I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
