we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
