i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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