I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
