i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
