The maid of honor just puked.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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