omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
