I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
