Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
