worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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