Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
