Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
