I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
