I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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