remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
