Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
