Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
