trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
